Kryptonian Talks
by Total Batman Obsession
Summary: Batman and Superman are walking the halls talking in Kryptonian. But what are they talking about?


_**Kryptonian Talks**_

Flash- Barry Allen POV-

As I speed through the halls to the Cafeteria I hear something strange, a language unlike I had ever heard before coming from a deep voice. I turn the corner and watch the two men, their costumes so contrast it's almost comical, one entirely in black and a bit of yellow, the other in bright red, blue and yellow.

"So wow, what language is that and what are you guys talking about?" I ask and Superman smiles at me.

"It's Kryptonian, my native tongue and Bruce and I were just talking about Criminals."

"Oh okay, can you teach me some sometime? I'm a fast learner after all." Superman laughs at me but Batman's expression remains unreadable.

"Sure Barry, I would be happy to." I wave to them both and head toward the cafeteria.

I grab a few hand burgers and fries and sit on the table opposite J'onn and Diana.

"Did you know Bats knows Kryptonian? He and Superman were just talking in it."

"I will never be surprised with what that man knows." J'onn says as Diana shrugs.

Lantern-Hal Jordan POV

Laughter, I hear laughter and an amused voice talking enthusiastically in an unknown language... The laughter is in a deep voice. There's only one person that deep voice could belong to and I've only ever heard him laugh with the purpose of scaring criminals... What did he do to Flash? Or was it someone else? I turn the corner to face them head on and the laughter stops. Not only does the laughter stop but the face gives nothing away, it might be possible that the owner of the face wasn't laughing at all except Superman is in giggles next to him. Are they laughing about me?

"What are you two doing?" The one in black gives nothing away but the one giggling puts his face on the one in blacks shoulder.

"We were just practicing in Kryptonian and Bruce and I were making jokes." I look at him and raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Right... I think I had better get you to the medical bay, I think you have too much Bat exposure, you may be going batty." I proceed to try and take his arm but a glare from tall dark and scary stops me in my tracks.

"If Superman had something wrong with him then I would be the first to know now please kindly go away and don't make me ask twice."

I glare back at him but decide to walk away.

Superman POV

"All right all right, I've got one! Gordon told me the other day of a Caucasian man in his mid-forties who gave a tip to the front desk of GCPD, apparently Montoya was minding the desk when she realised some marijuana went missing..." I cut in with a grin on my face.

"Oh no, he didn't?!"

"Yes he did! He took the marijuana in a police station in front of Montoya. He got all of five steps out the door before Montoya arrested him."

"Why wasn't it in evidence?"

"I asked Gordon that and he said he asked Montoya the same question. She's lucky he trusts her or he might of come down harder than he did on her." I laugh but Bruce's face turns to stone.

"So wow, what language is that and what are you guys talking about?" I see Flash turn the corner and I smile at him.

"It's Kryptonian, my native tongue and Bruce and I were just talking about Criminals," I say fondly.

"Oh okay, can you teach me some sometime? I'm a fast learner after all." I laugh at him and nod. It would be good to have another friend who knows my planets language.

"Sure Barry, I would be happy to." I say genuinely and he waves to us both and runs off. Bruce turns to me and points.

"Your turn," he says to me with a smirk and we start walking through the halls again.

"Well I heard two people yelling and screaming at one another one day as they were walking down the street so I listened and it turned out someone was taking their car but also bringing it back!"

"What? No way!"

"That was my response so I asked them if they wanted my help and they said yes so I asked them where they lived, what the cars number plate was etc. and went searching through the city. It turns out he was just coming back to return it. I dropped the car off to the couples place and dropped the criminal back to the MPD, of course he swears to me that he would never steal and that he was just borrowing, told me he was my biggest fan." I roll my eyes and Bruce laughs so I join in. We stop once we get in the elevator and I turn to him.

"Your turn," I say to him with a grin.

"Okay, so there was a male Caucasian age twenty five in a mall parking lot at Christmas trying to get mistletoe down from a tree."

"Go on." I encourage him.

"I was watching him because I thought he was a suspicious character, turns out he's just an idiot. He used a shotgun at a sprig of mistletoe he wanted, a shotgun loaded with bird shots. I disarmed him, hanged him from the roof of the mall and let's just say he's not doing something that stupid again!" We get out of the elevator and walk through another hallway.

"Did you have him arrested?"

"He was an idiot Kal-El, not a criminal, he woke up back at home with a note telling him I'll be watching, but in honesty he's not worth my time," I laugh and enjoy this time together. I like his insistence on calling me Kal-El, he said it makes it more authentic when speaking the language. "I believe it is your turn again." I nod and decide which story to tell next.

"There was a man who came into a gun shop."

"Oh this ought to be good." Bruce grins at me.

"He came in, didn't even have a mask, right into a gun shop with a baseball bat demanding a weapon. He smashed a few things before I could come and defuse the situation. He looked so shocked when the man behind the counter grabbed a gun and pointed it at him. I came in, told the salesman I would take care of it and flew the guy to the station." Bruce laughs at me and I can't help but laugh back, enjoying the rich sound of his rare laughter. Our laughter turns to silence as a newbie passes us, then another who seems to be running after the first. She looks in awe of Batman and salutes me so I smile and copy her and she runs after her friend.

"Did you see that?! That was Batman and Superman! I still can't believe they let us join the league," I hear as we walk further away from them.

"Yeah with limited access," says the other hero bitterly.

"That was Batman! Batman! And Superman! This is the best day of my life." I stop listening, definitely not mentioning this to the person next to me...

"Your turn," I say to him and he smirks, must be a good one.

"Cafe robbery."

"Proceed," I say with a smile.

"Over the radio I heard there was a robbery so I hurried over there, got there minutes before the police to restrain the Seventeen year old Caucasian male genius only to find he was trying to rob the cafe with a banana," I break out into laughter as soon as he says banana. "Naturally I hoisted up the kid and threatened him for wasting my time, followed by dangling him from the ceiling and leaving him for the police."

"Ouch harsh but I can imagine you were furious," I say and he nods.

"I was extremely furious. I had already dealt with Ivy that night; I didn't need a false robbery. I believe it is your turn Kal," he says and points both fingers at me as we walk.

"I took down a couple that were stealing from a house."

"Details?"

"They were stealing from a mother, she was tucking the kids into bed when she heard a noise down stairs and went to investigate. I was on patrol and heard her cry of help and flew over to see a man and a woman exiting the house with stolen items from the home. They were about to try and get away on bicycles when I blocked them and a neighbours car blocked them. When questioned they told me that they had been told that the people were moving out in a hurry and that all the items were free. The place with all the lights on and not a single item out of place," I roll my eyes and he bursts out laughing. "It was unbelievable, literally who would believe that?" I laugh with him then suddenly it stops but I can't help giggling as Hal walks up to us from around the corner.

"What are you two doing?" I put my face on B's shoulder and try and stop the giggles, how do he do it?

"We were just practicing in Kryptonian and Bruce and I were making jokes," I say but he raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Right... I think I had better get you to the medical bay, I think you have too much Bat exposure, you may be going batty," he tries to grab my arm (does he think laughter somehow takes away my physical strength?) but Bruce glares at him and his arm hangs in the air for a second before he takes it back.

"If Superman had something wrong with him then I would be the first to know now please kindly go away and don't make me ask twice," Hal glares at Bruce but walks away.

We both start laughing again as we finally get to the monitor room and I go to the smaller kitchen on this floor to get us some coffee.

"To dumb criminals," he says with a smile as I hand him his coffee and I raise my own in agreement.

"To stupid criminals B," we both sip our coffee and I begin to speak in Russian, he answers in German to which I agree in Chinese. We switch languages, both of us understanding each other perfectly.

 **(Authors Note: all of these crimes were real, I think they were all from Cracked . com , either way you can Google them, Some of them will have been changed the slightest bit. Hope you enjoyed.)**


End file.
